Hours and hours I cried and cried because I could not believe what I just heard. It was like the phone delivered an arrow straight through my soul, to my heart, leaving me stiff from shock. I couldn’t believe this was really true. I kept thinking about it and every time I did, it would peel the fresh scab revealing my newest wound. The only thing that could comfort me was to be with people I loved, so I picked up your cousin, burned it down in the living room, while I cried to myself over the memories I have of you. Not one bad one to be found, all with your bright smile and dimples inverting your cheeks so beautifully. I couldn’t believe that you were gone, so soon. Too soon. I couldn’t help to anger over the time that we had lost. Just the thought of seeing your mother made me cringe with sorrow I couldn’t explain, except that I knew we were all feeling the same pain.
Of all the memories I held of you, all I could think about was that night many years ago when we finally met. The night you became one of my best friends and truly showed me my worth. I had seen you many times, we had been under the same roof frequently but only to smile at each other politely and go about our day. Never had you shown much interest in me, but you never acted ill toward me either, even though I was years younger and very insecure. It just so happened one night I had ended up with you alone, neither of us pressed to find other company. I had been alone with only a few back then, none of which I gave my love, but your sudden interest in me sparked the thought in my mind. You were so kind and sweet to me I can’t say that if you had asked I wouldn’t have given it to you, but its clear your intentions weren’t to put your bid in. You asked me about my life, who I was, why I was who I was, and who I wanted to be. I sat and talked about it all until near exasperation, but never did your expression read the simplest form of boredom. As I started to get sleepy and laid down next to you, I wondered silently what was on your mind, obviously it wasn’t what the others had on theirs. Every other guy had shown me that they were willing to bend over backwards to obtain a single pleasure only speculated I could give, but one that he would get to keep forever. So If that wasn’t what you wanted I thought, why were you acting so concerned? It was as if you knew exactly what I thought because you turned to me and smiled before answering my unspoken cogitations. You sat up, looked at me and started telling me about yourself. Your favorite things in life, the love you had for your family, the things that you had seen. You told me many things about the girls you had been with, the things that they would do, and the price they would later pay. Without your explanation I could already assume why I would go untouched. How you had taken so many gifts from so many others that I did not want to be just another number. How I should not be just another souvenir to a person not worthy of such a treasure. To hold on to what I had because its value could never be determined fully. That what I had was priceless and I was beautiful, but I just couldn’t see it.
I still couldn’t see it, even after your advice had made me feel I had potential. I could feel that you were genuine in what you said and you later proved me right. I let my gift escape soon after and continued through life unsure, because I didn’t realize what you tried to teach me long ago. As the story unraveled I couldn’t help but to feel more and more significant that night. You had seen in me what I could not see, and I took it for granted up until just recently. If only these big browns eyes had seen a little clearer then, all the things that God had given me to cherish.
The years that followed only showed me that you were wise beyond your years and our bond grew even stronger. Which made the day I got that call so much more heart breaking. If I could go back and change the past I would do it in a heartbeat, I would make it all better because we needed you. The world is less bright without you. I will never accept what happened to you and nothing would make me happier than to see you smile again. The love I had for you can never be explained and the only comfort in your absence is the secrets only we will share, always and forever.
My dearest love Denny.